i posted this on 9/7/2011 and i feel like it is also really relevant right now.
“i want to rise to the occasion. i want to learn and bask in your glow. i want to protect you and do whatever i can to give you strength. there is no twist to this. i am not about to blow my brains out. you have not cut me up like others have. it’s just this. i want to love you with everything in me. i need your help because i don’t know anything about it. i am suspicious and ready to leave and hit the cold road for the frozen dawn. i am just going to trust you with everything in me. i see now that it’s the only reason to be here. after kissing you, i cannot remember what it was like to kiss any other woman. at this point i am not sure if i ever have.” —henry rollins.
because i am imperfect and occasionally speak from fear, i am thankful for your kindness and understanding. i do not expect you to dry my tears, or steady my voice and hands. because we are sometimes thrown into chaos and our energies become depleted, i do not take for granted the privilege of sleeping it all off next to you. because in rare moments we will disagree or become frustrated (or maybe we are just tired and overworked beyond capacity and i am an emotional nightmare trainwreck monsterface) i am in awe of your ability to bend and shift and adjust your heart to always fit me inside…
and speaking of that: it is true that because of your heart, i have grown softer. your mouth on mine, your face in the morning, every tiny tingle left on my skin in memory of your fingertips… because of all of this, i have opened. for all the feelings we won’t articulate face to face, and for every time i’ve said those very things while you’re sound asleep, i will tell you only this: i feel you when i move, i carry you all day, my heart is swollen,
and i’m grateful.
addendum: 10/25/12 - this is all still true, you. please try to remember that even when life is the most, i will still love you 5 ever.